Some highlights of the essay include:
- “ts u hor! i dnt gv dam :< !”
- “Mommy and Daddy’s door is always locked and your online access is completely blocked! You asked them why and they say, ‘Don’t worry, honey, we’ve just found a fun new way to earn some money!’”
- “’Oh, Morimoto,’ Chef Batali sighed, ’stuff me like a pepper!’”
- And most of all: "where are the freaking vampires?"