Another two hundred word story today. I don't know where it came from. Nathan will tell me that it's an introductory paragraph again, but I don't care. I like it. What do you think?
Empire
By Mark L. S. Stone
Naylesse looked down at me coolly. She spoke to her guards in Aesderin – “Leave us” – and glared at them until they obeyed.
With the Aesed gone, her expression softened.
“Urien,” she sighed. “You don’t understand, do you?”
“Understand what?”
“The Aesed cannot be defeated. You tried – we all tried. Our gods, our art, our language – not all of these things will survive decades or centuries as part of their empire. But empires always fall. She smiled. “The Aesed are compulsive builders. When they fall, we will be in a position to dominate the Nedrar Valley and beyond. We will have Aesed roads, Aesed logistics, Aesed tactics… and none of the scars of long resistance to an implacable foe.”
“You sold us to the Aesed so they’ll build us roads?”
“I sold us to the Aesed so we will have a future!” She snapped. “You fought long and hard, Urien – no one can doubt your courage – but the fight is over. Will you join me, and work to preserve what you can, or will you need to be put down?”
She offered me her hand.
“Choose.”
With my heart in my throat, I did.
1 comment:
I dunno, I think it's relatively complete, as an idea. I can't tell from what we have which way the narrator would choose, though, and the story isn't really structured to make that ambiguity the point. I think defining his/her response wouldn't hurt things, and would make it feel less like an introductory paragraph.
Nothing wrong with intro paragraphs, though. I turn my snippets into full stories all the time.
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